She messages me over Fb each morning and each night time, and texts me a number of occasions a day. Carol stops by unannounced and may be very a lot in my area. She may be very sensitive. She says I’m her finest good friend and that she loves me, however I don’t even consider her that means in any respect. She sends extravagant presents to me and my household steadily.
I’m attempting to be good; I don’t need to damage her. However aside from the nonprofit, we’ve got nothing in frequent. I type of really feel uncomfortable round her. She will get offended once I don’t reply to her and messages my kids, telling them I’m “shutting her out.” That’s crossing the road. I simply don’t know what to do.
I simply want I had by no means met her. Assist!
Involved: That is regarding. You don’t say how outdated your kids are or how effectively they know “Carol,” however she shouldn’t be sending messages to them in any respect — and positively not as a technique to get to you.
It’s good to convey to her that it’s vital so that you can have stronger boundaries together with her and that she must respect them. Inform her, “I’ve loved working with you, however I’m not going to maneuver ahead in friendship exterior of our work collectively. I am feeling crowded. I do not really feel comfy with you stopping by the home or sending presents to us. My partner and I do not need adults to contact our youngsters with out our permission. I am asking you to respect these boundaries.”
I recommend seeing if she will be able to respect your needs earlier than blocking her contact throughout platforms. You need to communicate together with your supervisor to allow them to know that you simply’re attempting to deal with this case. You would possibly ask to not have your hours overlap with Carol’s. Save and print out any undesirable contact from Carol, and if she escalates, you may additionally must escalate your response by contemplating a no-contact order.
Pricey Amy: I’m questioning if I ought to intervene for a good friend and neighbor who seems to be being taken benefit of by her daughter and granddaughter. “Edna” and “Max” retired eight years in the past. (Edna is the neighborhood piano instructor. Many kids and adults have benefited from her classes.)
Shortly after Max handed away seven years in the past, Edna’s divorced, unemployed daughter, “Lara,” moved in together with her. Now, Lara’s unemployed daughter (Edna’s granddaughter) has moved in bringing her 4 younger kids together with her.
The final time I noticed Edna, she was crying and mentioned that her daughter and granddaughter are sponging off of her, spending her Social Safety, and since the unruly kids are allowed to scream, battle, and wail incessantly, she’s had to surrender her piano shoppers. She mentioned her daughter has talked her right into a reverse mortgage so she and her granddaughter can have entry to extra of her cash. She says she is a prisoner in her room. I offered my recommendation — kick all of them out!
Final week, I knocked on her door and her daughter turned me away, saying Edna has dementia signs and can’t discuss to neighbors or go exterior the home. I don’t purchase it. I’m fearful about Edna however don’t need to be a busybody. Your recommendation?
Anxious: You need to intervene, and accomplish that shortly. “Simply kick them out” isn’t sensible recommendation when the abuse has progressed to this extent. “Edna” is trapped. You need to do a seek for “Grownup Protecting Companies” in your county and report this abuse instantly.
I might additionally name the police and request a “wellness test” on this very susceptible elder. This isn’t being a busybody. That is being a superb good friend.
Pricey Amy: I’m responding to “Dissed Sib,” who felt it was unfair that sure members of the family obtained extra monetary assist from their mom than others had. This occurred in my household, and my mother’s response was: “Honest doesn’t all the time imply equal.”
All the time: I’ve heard from many readers who report comparable pearls of knowledge delivered by mother and father throughout their childhoods. Instructing this to kids whereas they’re rising up will forestall resentment later.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content material Company.
