I would have started trying to learn French, but I don’t have the time. I’m in my medical residency — emergency medicine! — and pairing 72-hour shifts with Duolingo would risk both my sanity and my patients’ health.
I’ve talked to my fiancé about it, and he told me to just wait until they give up. I fear that may take years. Other than this, his family is fine, and I’d like to have contact with them in the future. He’s really close to them, but he’s still on my side, so I don’t want to lose him, either!
What do I do? Please help!
— Effrayée (merci à Google Translate)
Effrayée: This isn’t a family problem; it’s a fiancé problem. He is an autonomous adult, yes? So there is no such thing as “let.” (“Permettre,” not “laisser.” Okay, I’ll stop.) Unless you like letting everyone else drive the bus.
The bottom line, groped for and eventually found over the years:
Never marry anyone who won’t tell their family of origin to fluff off when necessary.
It’s lovely and far preferable when one never has to, but right now, he has to. And he won’t.
Re: French fiancé: I’m thinking he’d like you to learn French, too, and is letting his family do the dirty work. Bad sign.
This question is such a downer, I actually hope it’s fake. I want the so-in-love, hard-working emergency physician to come home after 72 hours to a fiancé who says: “Of course my family loves and trusts you! And they trust me, of course. Duolingo will wait, mon petit chou, till you’re down to 12-hour overnight shifts.”
Other readers’ thoughts:
· This is wild. What would constitute an acceptable level of fluency for them? The aspersions they cast on your character because you’re American indicate this level may not exist.
· Leaving my fiancé when he wouldn’t tell off his parents, who were terribly cruel to me, is to this day the best thing I ever did. Twenty years later, I can confirm: This problem continued to follow him. It’s a fiancé problem, not a parent problem.
Dear Carolyn: My best friend’s mom passed away yesterday morning after a very short bout with cancer. We are all in shock. My boyfriend and I have a flight later today for a weekend trip that has been planned for a while. I feel really guilty about going on a trip right now. I haven’t heard back from my friend since yesterday morning and don’t know where to find her, send food, etc.
Maybe giving the family some space and coming back early for the funeral if necessary is the right thing to do, but my state of shock may be clouding my judgment. Should I cancel my trip?
Best Friend: “Best” friend? Cancel.
Won’t you spend the weekend thinking of your friend, and hoping your absence is something she can forgive?
