I can’t think at work, I’m exhausted, and I don’t know what’s next. I’m scared.
Struggling: That is a lot. I’m sorry.
The college kid you can’t do much about, or at least not without expending energy you don’t have toward a problem that you might not be able to fix and that will move out soon enough anyway. So, remind yourself that “this is an adult” and treat her accordingly, which includes letting her, the values you taught her and any natural consequences do their thing.
The partner, too, is going to have to do the bulk of their own work, but I suggest you line up some support for yourself: a support group, a call to NAMI, a therapist if you have access to one. Plus any daily practice that helps you unclench. Yoga, meditation, a walk around the neighborhood, deep breathing.
The lump, find another doctor to give you the referral. Even if it’s urgent care. Call your insurance company to find out what providers’ paperwork they’ll accept. Alternately or in combination, make a pleasant nuisance of yourself with your primary care physician’s scheduler.
It’s one-small-step-at-a-time time. One-bite-of-the-elephant-at-a-time time, if you like your stress-management images pachydermatous.
Your servings only. If ever there were a time to leave the rest to others, this is it.
Truly, you will manage this. Just find a few minutes to yourself, do the scheduling and emotional-work triage, then breathe into it, as they say. Check back in sometime, too, to let us know how you are, if that doesn’t feel like one more thing on your plate.
For Struggling: Do your partner and college-age child know about the lump? If not, tell them. It may be time for them to step up and support YOU for a change.
Anonymous: Ah, great point, thank you.
Carolyn: I am on the cancellation list, and I will be calling daily. My partner is an amazing person and has a therapist. He has things that pop back into his head that he has compartmentalized, so every once in a while, it gets worse. He knows about the lump and went with me to my screening the other day. He’s going to see whether he can get time off for the diagnostic.
I guess I’m feeling overwhelmed because I’m the one who holds everything together. And now I’m coming apart.
Struggling again: I don’t believe in these things, so I’ll urge you to ignore me before I even type it, but sometimes I think random events conspire to remind us that how we see ourselves can become needlessly constricting.
Sometimes someone else has to hold things together while the chief holder-together gets a lump checked. There was a “before” you held things together, when someone else did it for you? So maybe this is the end of your partner’s or daughter’s “before.”
Sometimes things have to unravel a bit before we all see there’s room to grow.
Just some ramblings. Take care, and good luck.
