I just don’t want people prying into my financial decisions! How do I sidestep the awkward question altogether?
“I have no idea. I’m a bride, not a jeweler. I’m glad you like it.”
Dear Miss Manners: I spent more than 50 years with the most beautiful, wonderful woman I have ever known. She passed away about 18 months ago. I wear my wedding ring and plan to continue to do so. Several women have suggested I wear it on my right hand or not wear it at all — usually adding that it’s time I started dating. I have no desire to do so.
How long is it appropriate to wear a wedding ring after a spouse dies? And do you have a suggestion for how I could respond to these comments? I don’t wish to sound rude.
Those must be the same women who keep telling brokenhearted widows that they are no longer “entitled” to wear their wedding rings. But oddly enough, they don’t go on to encourage the widows to date.
The answer to how long bereaved spouses can wear wedding rings is: as long as they please. It is no one else’s business. And the answer to why you do not date is: You do not want to. If you want to put a stop to this annoyance, Miss Manners will allow you to add, “I haven’t met anyone yet whom I want to date.”
Dear Miss Manners: My partner and I receive several invitations a year to events held by organizations to which we donate. These events are either one-on-one lunches or cocktail party-type events in recognition of the organization’s accomplishments over the past year. They are also held in recognition of major donors, which we are not.
I have zero interest in attending such events. I intensely dislike dressing up, socializing with people I don’t know (and don’t wish to know), and giving up an entire evening. My partner enjoys it even less. I realize the organizations’ goal is to create a more personal relationship with us, but we are not interested. I have become rather a hausfrau since covid, and while I get out to some social events, two or three per month is my limit.
You’d think after years of declining, they’d get the hint, but I keep getting personalized emails or phone calls to attend. Can I just admit I dislike dressing up and socializing, and request no such further invitations?
No, because they might start asking you to non-dressy events.
Miss Manners would think that saying, “We’re happy to donate, but please take us off your social list” would work, if they are paying attention. Surely it would be a relief to the organization to have fewer people to entertain.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
