She indicated that she has a neck issue, and presumably wanted the window seat so she could rest her head against the wall, as I was planning to do. I told her I would prefer to keep our assigned seats, and I had hardly finished saying this when she nodded vigorously and seemed very embarrassed to have even asked.
However, I began to doubt whether I should have given her my seat. In the morning light, I noted that she was older than I first estimated, maybe 70 or so. I am a healthy male in my 40s. I was torn between guilt and irritation. I paid slightly extra for the window seat because I prefer it, especially if I’ll be sleeping. I also don’t like switching around seating.
But maybe for this older woman, the polite thing would have been to give up my seat. What should I have done?
That this exchange was conducted calmly on both sides is a relief to Miss Manners. We have all read about such cases turning into midair scuffles and worse. No, you need not give up the seat you bought. People with economy tickets do not ask people in business class to trade seats, and people in business class do not ask that of those in first class.
And yet … Being sympathetic is an important virtue. You felt that.
If you could have made a small sacrifice to accommodate another passenger, it might have been worth it. But an uncomfortable night on a 15-hour flight may not be considered a small sacrifice.
So you acted reasonably. But now Miss Manners wonders whether you could have suggested that the lady take the aisle seat, recline it slightly (with permission from the person behind) and then lean against the empty middle seat.
Dear Miss Manners: Now that the weather is warm, my wonderful neighbor is outside more often. I had not seen her without a winter coat for quite a while, and it turns out she has lost a significant amount of weight.
I think it is great — good for her. I would be nothing but supportive if she mentioned this to me. But if she doesn’t, what do I say when I see her? Maybe just, “Wow, you look great?”
She looks very different. It seems weird to act like I don’t notice when the change is so dramatic.
You say “Hello.” What Miss Manners considers weird is the notion that it is callous not to critique people’s bodies.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
