Before I became aware of the pain caused by misgendering people, I probably would’ve just called out, “Excuse me, sir?” (Or ma’am, or miss, depending on my best guess.) Now I want to do better, but there seems to be no way to call out to someone whose gender is unknown. “Excuse me, person?” or “friend?” Both sound absurd.
Is there a gender-neutral way to get the attention of somebody in the service industry?
Just “excuse me” is fine. As these workers are in the service industry, they are already on alert that their help may be required. Miss Manners suggests you simply repeat as necessary.
Dear Miss Manners: I have a small house, and my adult son asked me to host his son’s birthday party. He invited 14 guests, not including several young children. It was a bit chaotic, but still, conversations could be heard.
When my sister and her husband arrived, she quickly grabbed the television remote and put on sports. I was extremely annoyed but chose not to create a scene. When it was time for the birthday cake, I asked her to turn the TV off.
As soon as the cake was served, her husband quickly turned the TV on again. Your thoughts?
Hide the remote next time.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I enjoy an old-fashioned, which are typically served in rocks glasses. At a bar we frequent, they use one oversized cube of ice, rather than a scoop of crushed ice, to chill the beverage.
What is the etiquette for enjoying the last sips of your drink without that giant ice cube sliding down and bonking you on the nose?
Place a subtle forefinger on the offending cube, whilst clasping the rest of the glass with the thumb and middle. Miss Manners cannot entirely guarantee, however, that your finger will not bonk your nose instead — particularly after the second or third old-fashioned.
Dear Miss Manners: I often receive gifts that creep me out — namely, gnomes and figurines. I just donate said items to a local thrift store. Is there any non-rude way to say you do not care for certain gifts?
Being a polite person, I am sure that I expressed my thanks when I received these things the first time. But now, years later, I am still creeped out, and I still receive them. My friends have never seen any of the items they gave me displayed in my home. Sometimes expressing thanks for an unwanted item just brings on more.
And yet one must. But you may take comfort in knowing that someone, somewhere, is building a well-loved collection of creepy trinkets. Miss Manners suggests you continue to feign gratitude on their behalf, if not your own.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
