I’m lately divorced after 14 years. I’ve lived all over the world and, in a month, I’m set to maneuver to Los Angeles. Over time I’ve amassed a wardrobe that expresses each the power of the locations I lived and the lives I lived in them with the individual I as soon as beloved. However the whole lot in my life is downsizing. So what do I maintain? What do I shed? The right way to make these selections? — Donatella, Brooklyn
Not lengthy after the actress Ellen Barkin divorced the billionaire Ronald Perelman when she was simply beginning to movie “Ocean’s 13,” Ms. Barkin determined to unload all the jewellery she had acquired throughout her marriage: a set of over 100 items that had been valued at greater than $15 million.
“These are simply not reminiscences I wish to put on out daily,’’ she informed Ruth La Ferla, who wrote concerning the sale for The New York Occasions.
That’s an excessive response to a divorce, but in addition an comprehensible one. Neglect Proust’s madeleines; garments are repositories of feelings, reminiscences and tales, and easily seeing them can take us sliding down the wormhole to the previous. That’s partly why we hold on to them: They comprise the emotional imprint of who we had been after we purchased them, or wore them.
That behavior is commonly seen as an excellent factor. It’s what’s behind the apply of preserving a marriage gown, symbolic of that ceremony of passage. Likewise, my mother-in-law had a rose-print frock that had hung in her closet for many years — a relic from the time she met Queen Elizabeth II as a younger girl after a taking a ship throughout the ocean from Canada.
However this apply can backfire if the tales contained within the materials are sad. If, say, you see a pair of denims and bear in mind the combat you had together with your accomplice if you wore them, or a sure gown makes you recall some dangerous information you obtained or a skirt brings up emotions of betrayal or entrapment. That’s why, relating to divorce, magazines reminiscent of Glamour often characteristic articles like, “Getting Over a Divorce Meant Saying Goodbye to All my Lovely Garments.”
In your case, one of the best method could also be to easily undergo your wardrobe and see what feelings are conjured by every garment — primarily play free affiliation together with your garments. Maybe do it with a buddy, who can maintain up every bit whilst you say what involves thoughts. It’s a variation on Marie Kondo’s “does this deliver me pleasure” method. Kind the clothes into piles (maintain, discard) in keeping with the sentiments they evoke. In the event you can’t determine, create a 3rd group of maybes. In any case, ache does recede with time, and it’s attainable {that a} shirt at the moment stuffed with angst that when upon a time additionally represented, say, exploration, may someday once more.
As for the discard pile, take a web page from Ms. Barkin and think about promoting garments in good situation on resale websites like Vestiaire or The RealReal. That means, you aren’t solely escaping dangerous reminiscences, but in addition taking advantage of them and utilizing them as a approach to transfer ahead into your subsequent part. Something that may’t be bought and remains to be in good condition needs to be donated — simply because a bit represents one thing detrimental for you doesn’t imply it could possibly’t be a delight for another person, which in flip could also be a soul increase for you.
And don’t consider the garments you might abandon as a sacrifice. You wish to winnow down your wardrobe not simply since you are being pressured to by transferring right into a smaller condominium, however as a result of it’s liberating to create each literal and psychological area for a brand new you, with a brand new look, to emerge. That chance is a present you can provide to your self.
Your Fashion Questions, Answered
Each week on Open Thread, Vanessa will reply a reader’s fashion-related query, which you’ll be able to ship to her anytime by way of electronic mail or Twitter. Questions are edited and condensed.
