We asked readers for their best parenting tips to survive the summer. Here are some of our favorites, edited for length and clarity.
Summer doesn’t need to be productive
My youngest kid is a freshman in college, so my summers are quieter than they used to be. But I’ve spent over 20 summers with school-aged kids at home, and my best advice is to let go of the idea that this has to be a “productive” time for them. I understand that kids who are deep into their competitive sports or other activities may have summer clinics or programs that are important to them. Amazing. But that should be the guide. Is there something genuinely meaningful and important to your child that they need to do? Yes? Then make that happen. But if you spend the summer in an expensive whirlwind of science camp and art camp and debate camp and nature camp (your camp flavors may vary), with nightly workbooks to make sure they don’t lose academic skills over the summer, I would encourage you to just stop.
Let the summer feel long. Let it be a little boring. Do not make yourself responsible for solving your child’s boredom. Maybe don’t even make them lunch. A kid tall enough to reach a counter can do that for themselves with a little instruction and some guidelines. And most importantly, embrace the idea that play and self-determined time is critically important for child development. Summer is when today’s kids get to do that. Kids do not need the level of supervision and entertainment that they receive (endure?). They will figure out what to do and how to spend that time, especially if you unplug the Xbox for all but the allowed hours and collect phones from the young ones unless they are going to be away from you and might need to contact you. It is still possible to have a summer full of neighborhood bike rides or walks, mud pies, fort making, cooking experiments, spooky stories and playing in the hose.
A little boredom and a long stretch of time opens up space for creativity, compromise, physical activity, reading, connecting and all the other magic that comes with the gift of time. And yes, also squabbling and making messes. But that’s how you work on conflict resolution and cleaning-up-after-yourself skills. Kids gain more knowledge, life skills and maturity through regular everyday independence and responsibility than through even the best organized and supervised activities.
I guess my final thought is this: No one is making you turn your child’s life into a rat race. Should they lie around and stare at a screen for 12 hours a day all summer? Obviously not. But kids aren’t projects. They are little people whose job is to learn how to grow up. And nature pretty much equipped them with the instincts and interests and skills they need to do that. So give them some responsibilities, give them some space, and trust that they are getting on with it.
— It’s Okay to Be Bored
I think it’s all about expectations. Lower them! And take pictures.
The best summers I’ve had with my two boys have been when I use Carolyn [Hax]’s advice to literally and figuratively zoom way in or zoom way out, no matter what stressors are happening. Zooming out means looking overall at the 8-10 weeks, and finding the good: Was there some laughter, some rest, some outdoor time, some carrots eaten? If yes, then that was a success.
Zooming in means enjoying the small moments: connecting through a drawing, noticing an interesting cloud, listening to music. I take a lot of pictures during the summer, so that I can see the evidence of all the zooming.
In fact, I start my summer by looking back at previous summer photos. I gain a sense of accomplishment and confidence, and the kids sure are cute from a year ago, so there’s the dopamine hit, too.
If you can afford it — send your kids to summer camp. (And even if you can’t — look for scholarships. They are there!) This sounds flippant but the absolutely best thing about my daughter’s camp is no smartphones and no online access. The 24 days of screen-free fun makes camp worth every penny. (Plus all of the other wonderful things; she has gained incredible independence in her many summers there, beautiful friendships, time in nature, etc.) Summer camp is truly a gift and I am grateful she gets to do it. Plus I miss her, and when she gets home I am more appreciative of our time together.
There is joy in letting go
My kids have been taught since they were toddlers that every day, they need to do something good for their body and something for their brain. Read a book, make or build something, take a walk, etc. During the summer, my introverted eldest interprets that as designing new Lego kits and continuing to attend martial arts practice during the optional summer session. My youngest likes to bake and ride her bike with her friends.
But beyond the body/brain stuff, I have found joy in not caring once they’ve met their requirements for the day. Video game marathon? Cool. Play in the sprinkler until every digit is wrinkled and the bottom of the lawn is a mudhole? Great. Three straight hours of YouTube? Fine, as long as I can hear the audio and the minute I hear weird fascist nonsense, the video is done and the channel blocked.
We spend the whole school year rushing from sports to dance to scouts to whatever enrichment activity is suddenly mandatory to their chances of life success. If they spend a couple summer hours hanging upside down on the couch seeing how red their faces get, or counting just how many licks it takes to get through a Tootsie Pop … that’s okay. Awesome, even.
Keep those expectations low, low, low, and you might even relax along with your kids.
