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‘Trendy Love Podcast’: Why John Magaro of ‘Previous Lives’ Might By no means Love a Choosy Eater


This transcript was created utilizing speech recognition software program. Whereas it has been reviewed by human transcribers, it could comprise errors. Please evaluation the episode audio earlier than quoting from this transcript and e mail transcripts@nytimes.com with any questions.

anna martin

From “The New York Occasions,” I’m Anna Martin. That is “Trendy Love.” I’m a fast fireplace you some questions on meals. How does that sound?

john magaro

Sounds good.

anna martin

OK. Favourite meal?

john magaro

That’s like asking favourite film or favourite ebook. Favourite meal. There’s too many.

anna martin

I do know. Possibly simply one of many favorites. How about that?

john magaro

Goodness gracious.

anna martin

I’m speaking this week with John Magaro. John is an actor with a really numerous resume. Most just lately, he was within the film, “Previous Lives,” directed by Celine Tune, which was nominated for Greatest Image. And his efficiency in that film must be stated, made me ugly cry within the theater. It was not fairly.

John was additionally within the “Large Brief.” And he starred within the indie film, “First Cow,” which is about within the 1800s, the place he performs a prepare dinner residing on the Northwest frontier. And John’s a prepare dinner in actual life, too. He likes to eat.

The essay decide for at the moment is named, “My Dinners with Andrew” by Sarah Pepitone. Meals is Sarah’s love language, and she or he talks about falling for a person who was prepared to attempt new meals together with her, even those that scared him. John stated, he may relate.

john magaro

I, pay attention. I eat every thing. I’ll eat. I’ll attempt something. One factor I feel folks would possibly discover, simply typically who’ve a weaker abdomen, discover the truth that I eat like terrible rather a lot.

anna martin

What’s that?

john magaro

Terrible is like organ meat. So, like, I’ll go to Paisanos in Brooklyn or I’ll go to the butcher and I’ll simply — or I’m going to the farmers market. And I’ll get, you realize, kidneys and livers and brains and sweetbreads, all that form of stuff.

anna martin

You’ll?

john magaro

Oh, after all. After which, I’ll prepare dinner it up. Yeah, I like it. It’s implausible.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

anna martin

You speaking about organ meat is reminding me this factor I examine you, that —

john magaro

That was an attention-grabbing transition.

anna martin

It truly actually performs to my hand as a result of I learn that to get into your position for the film, “First Cow,” which got here out in 2019, you play a prepare dinner named Cookie, who lives with fur trappers in 1800s Oregon. You made all of the recipes out of this previous cookbook from Lewis and Clark, the explorers.

john magaro

Yeah.

anna martin

I heard you made loads of stews.

john magaro

Yeah I imply, that’s loads of what they ate.

anna martin

That couldn’t have been good.

john magaro

It was good.

anna martin

Actually?

john magaro

It was. Yeah.

anna martin

So —

john magaro

It’s good. I imply, you realize, you bought to — you bought to do some — once more, the stew is the form of factor the place you’ll be able to actually make it your individual. You understand, you add some extra spices. The bottom is — sure, if you happen to do the bottom, it in all probability is fairly plain. After which, you’re additionally working with loads of dried meat, which you must rehydrate, which is slightly bizarre.

anna martin

Have been you doing this at residence? Like —

john magaro

At residence. Was your spouse cool with that? She hated it. She hated it. She was like, I can not have one other stew. Cease making stews. And for about two years after that, I couldn’t make any stew, at the least not for her.

anna martin

OK. So it follows that at the moment, you’re studying an essay all about meals and the way meals serves as a love language for the writer. For her, consuming collectively is an act of intimacy, nevertheless it will also be a degree of division. This essay is named “My Dinners with Andrew” by Sarah Pepitone.

Earlier than we get into it, clearly, this writer is a lady. You aren’t. However I feel the story works from any perspective. Do you agree?

speaker 1

I agree. I imply, I feel it’s about love and misplaced love and misconnections and consuming. And, you realize, we’ve been speaking about it, however meals is essential to me.

My spouse and I, one of many massive issues that linked us immediately was consuming and, you realize, shared meals. I feel we each say once we fell in love was, we had been consuming at Little Owl down within the West village.

anna martin

Yeah.

john magaro

And it was considered one of our earlier dates. And simply these experiences of sharing which might be crucial to me.

anna martin

Do you keep in mind what you had been consuming whenever you thought, I really like this girl.

john magaro

I feel she was having some kind of steak dish, some kind of beef. And I used to be having a rabbit dish.

anna martin

Wow.

john magaro

Yeah.

anna martin

Nothing like meat to make you understand.

john magaro

Yeah.

anna martin

I really like you.

john magaro

Yeah.

anna martin

John, let’s simply — let’s simply get proper into it. Learn us this essay.

john magaro

“My Dinners with Andrew” by Sarah Pepitone.

I used to be in my favourite restaurant once more. The whole lot as a substitute, aside from the empty seat throughout from me. I by no means minded consuming alone, although I’d lengthy skilled shared meals, particularly actually nice ones, as the final word intimacy.

Since my breakup with Andrew three months earlier than, I’d been avoiding the neighborhood, however a dermatology appointment had introduced me uptown. And I puzzled what had modified. And anyway, it was a Tuesday, good for sushi.

My dinners there with Andrew had all the time been luxuriously lengthy. One thing I relished whereas he checked his watch and fearful concerning the dwindling hours of sleep he would get earlier than he needed to be again at his desk within the morning. However my being joyful made his life simpler. So he indulged me as typically as he may, and I attempted to not take benefit.

At these meals, at nearly each meal, I used to be in love.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Years earlier earlier than Andrew and I began relationship, however had already been pals for 4 years, we’d gone to an Italian place within the Village after a film on the Angelika. I can’t keep in mind the film now, however I keep in mind the meal, naturally.

Andrew loves olives, so I talked him into an appetizer plate, prosciutto and parmesan, each drizzled with syrupy balsamic, pickled mushrooms, eggplant salad, and, after all, oil cured olives, his favourite. We had crunchy bread, my favourite, and glasses of pink wines we didn’t know.

The restaurant had simply opened and was hopping with meals lovers, development seekers, and NYU college students. Andrew was happy with the meat and cheese and will have performed with out an entree. However he knew I needed extra.

Ought to we simply get one dish to share, he requested. We don’t need to, I stated. I do know we don’t need to, he stated. We ordered cavatelli with sausage, and it was good.

Then we had a small, skinny crust pizza, mozzarella. Somewhat burnt. Completely with out flaw.

I’ve to let you know one thing, I stated, and I don’t need you to freak out or take this the fallacious approach or no matter, however I’m compelled to say it.

What? He requested.

I’m head over heels in love with you proper now. The evening. The meals. You doing this for me. It means a lot to me. And I simply need you to know.

Andrew was silent. I don’t imply to freak you out, I stated. I do know, he stated, pausing. Nobody has ever stated that to me earlier than. Actually? Yeah.

We sat in silence, smiling at one another, loving our friendship, excited about our latest losses, our previous loves. My previous love had heard these phrases from me 1,000,000 occasions over 1,000,000 meals. You solely love me once we’re consuming, my previous love used to say. And I might chuckle.

And he would say, it’s true. And I might say, no. After which we’d order espresso and sit quietly after which stroll and stroll and by no means know the time and by no means care.

However that love was gone now. And hardly anybody took me to dinner anymore, which is why I used to be so grateful to Andrew for indulging me.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

We tried the opposite sushi place first. The “New York Occasions” had been reviewing small locations in our neighborhood, and two had been between our flats. So we picked the one with the blue awning, and I wore a sweater fitted to indicate that though I’d misplaced an excessive amount of weight in my publish relationship mourning for the opposite man, I did nonetheless have a physique.

I even wore actual footwear, although my low-top sneakers begged to not be left at residence. Andrew observed. He smiled. He tried to make me really feel good, understanding I’d been feeling horrible.

He, too, had had a big breakup just lately. However we by no means spoke of it. I remorse that now. I didn’t know he was hurting. I used to be so blinded and overwhelmed by my very own ache, so centered alone survival.

We let the sushi chef decide our meal, then drank acai and talked actual property. He was paralyzed by the concern of constructing the fallacious resolution. He’d been flats for years. Some he’d seen a number of occasions and knew how a lot the house owners had made on the resale, but he nonetheless couldn’t see himself successful that guess.

It was a joke amongst our pals, nevertheless it wasn’t humorous to him. He’d labored for his cash, sacrificed the most effective years of his life, been sad at jobs. He was doing all this for somebody, some particular girl he hadn’t discovered but, who could be the beneficiary of his labor, together with their youngsters, after all.

And he wasn’t about to squander it, his hard-earned money on an funding he didn’t completely perceive. There was an excessive amount of emotion in actual property, he stated. It puzzled him. He understood statistics and laborious information, not hysteria.

I smiled as a result of I understood hysteria, irrationality, emotion. And he smiled too, as a result of I couldn’t learn charts and by no means needed to, preferring as an alternative to let somebody like him inform me the which means of numbers, which he liked.

And so in return, he tried meals that scared him, which was principally every thing. So it was thrilling for me when he preferred one thing, and he steadily did.

For him, I attempted to concentrate to the fairness markets, which wasn’t laborious as a result of I labored at a financial institution. And he was delighted after I knew the efficiency of a inventory he traded.

After which one evening, we kissed, Andrew and I, in a bar. The smoking ban was just a few months previous, and our noses had been nonetheless not used to the odors as soon as hidden by smoke.

However our lips, additionally experiencing one thing new and determining meet. By then, our friendship was greater than 5 years previous. And we by no means considered our relationship in some other approach. So it was scary, engaging, complicated.

And we needed to depart the bar and go to our separate properties to make sense of our senses.

I considered this on that Tuesday night, years later, as I walked from the dermatologist to my solo dinner, my face glowing from the microdermabrasion.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I believed I’d cry on the desk, however I used to be calm, excited for my yellowtail scallion handrail, piece of Toro, piece of tuna, piece of mackerel and delicate shell crab roll, the spider. I sipped my inexperienced tea and felt content material, not unhappy. Anyway, I’d cried sufficient.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

After I began bringing different pals to the restaurant and all the time made a degree of stopping in when some kind of physician appointment or sale had me close by, it was solely pure that sooner or later I might deliver a date.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

What don’t you want, I requested him, the date. How about what do I like? No, I imply, sushi. How ought to I order? No seafood, he stated. What? I requested. Do you not like sushi?

I like sushi. I simply don’t like seafood. Do you imply shellfish? I may see he was getting offended. He didn’t like something. He wouldn’t attempt something. It was depressing. And what he did attempt, he hated. And he hated me for wanting him to it.

My coronary heart was twisting. Why did you comply with sushi? As a result of I like sushi, he stated, then ordered one thing with avocado and one thing with cream cheese. I may hardly comprise myself.

Andrew additionally would have needed that Philadelphia position, however he by no means would have subjected me to watching him eat it. Andrew preferred eel and sea bass and a few crab. And although he drowned his fish in soy sauce, he was enjoyable to eat with, or at the least he knew make it enjoyable for me.

That Toro is buttery, Andrew would say to me. Immediately, I used to be tearing. I needed to excuse myself. My date reached throughout the desk to the touch my hand. I’m nice, I stated, not trying up.

On the small plate of fruit they provide you with the verify arrive, two melon slices minimize into items, two strawberries, two segments of orange. I couldn’t breathe. With Andrew, I’d all the time take one thing that wasn’t mine — the second strawberry, second orange. And he’d all the time protest gently, earlier than letting me have it.

I’d spent eight months after our breakup remembering his limitless allergic reactions and the best way he actually, ran round his condo, as if it had been a cage, racing to get issues performed earlier than mattress, earlier than work. I dwelled on his tendency to go to sleep in energetic bars, his hatred of sarcasm, and most beer.

I remembered his warning, the menace, of enjoyable will get previous. However in some way, I’d forgotten about our sample of sharing dessert. I used to be so unhappy for what I’d misplaced.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

After me, with out me, Andrew lastly purchased an condo on a block I really like close to the farmers market and the prepare. And I understood that my desirous to dwell in that condo was not a superb purpose for us to be collectively.

I knew we couldn’t fulfill one another and that, as he stated, one thing simply wasn’t proper. Although these phrases, him saying that, made me loopy for weeks, months. I didn’t perceive how lengthy the hysteria connected to that information would linger.

We’d misplaced our relationship and our friendship, too. And I felt unhealthy for each of us, for every thing. And so, I cried as soon as extra whereas standing on First Avenue within the arms of somebody who hates sashimi, however who would possible eat a rice sundae with a scoop of guacamole and a schmear.

The restaurant had modified. It wasn’t mine anymore, and I wanted it had closed.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

But it surely was nonetheless there, standing, surviving on this important, demanding metropolis. And I suppose, sure, so was I.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

anna martin

I received to get some sushi once we get out of right here. Are you kidding me?

john magaro

Philadelphia roll?

anna martin

OK. What will we take into consideration that? It’s so divisive on this piece, and I’ve my very own ideas, however I’ll allow you to go first.

john magaro

It’s not sushi.

anna martin

Yeah, I agree with you.

john magaro

It’s not sushi.

anna martin

The cream cheese is — I imply, have you ever ever had a Philadelphia roll?

john magaro

I don’t keep in mind.

anna martin

It’s truly actually good.

john magaro

But it surely’s simply smoked salmon and cream cheese.

anna martin

Yeah, it’s. I imply, it’s a bagel.

john magaro

I’d quite have a bagel.

anna martin

Precisely. [MUSIC PLAYING]

Extra from John Magaro after a fast break.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

John, is there somebody you establish with on this essay? Possibly Sarah Pepitone, the writer or Andrew? I think about, you’re not the man that hates seafood.

john magaro

No, no, I’m not that man. I establish with each Andrew and Sarah’s place and what she’s going by means of on this. You understand, this — I feel this captures actually superbly relationship in New York, as a result of New York is such a metropolis the place the relationship tradition is absolutely going to eating places.

anna martin

It’s attention-grabbing you stated that, as a result of I all the time warning my pals towards going to dinner, since you are primarily held captive for like an hour and a half. Like dinner is lengthy.

john magaro

However that’s why it’s a superb indication —

anna martin

That’s true.

john magaro

Of if it’s going to — I imply, you’ll be able to know.

anna martin

I do know. However then if you realize by the appetizer course, what are you going to do?

john magaro

Yeah. Properly, there’s the previous you faux the cellphone name factor. You understand, oh. I feel there’s an app that does that.

anna martin

Are you severe?

john magaro

Somebody was telling me about that. You may have an app that calls your cellphone. You might be like, oh, I received to —

anna martin

That’s actually good.

john magaro

Sorry, my mother’s within the hospital. I received to go now.

anna martin

It all the time does. However I really feel like — and I’ve to say, I’ve performed that. However karmically, it feels unhealthy to faux a household emergency. However typically, you bought to do it. Generally you bought to do it.

john magaro

Generally you bought to do it.

anna martin

So that you relate to each Sarah and to Andrew, it seems like.

john magaro

Yeah, I feel so. I feel, you realize, and I’d be curious to listen to why — you don’t actually discover out on this essay the way it actually got here aside. Like, I don’t understand how lengthy they dated.

anna martin

Proper.

john magaro

I don’t know why it didn’t work out. However yeah, I’ve had that, the place you’ve had — lots of people I dated up to now or had longer relationships, we began as pals after which we received so far. And it’s unhappy that you just construct this factor and also you had been so shut, such as you’re greatest pals. After which when it breaks, you’ll by no means have that once more.

anna martin

I do know. You construct up all these experiences collectively. You may have your spots, like this sushi restaurant. And you then finish issues. And like she says on the finish of the essay, it’s not my place anymore.

john magaro

I imply, in New York, I feel if you happen to’re going to — and I used to be very lucky that I had in all probability three massive relationships in New York earlier than I received married. And on the collapse of every, I moved to a special neighborhood as a result of it’s form of like you may have — you’ve constructed these spots. And I may let you know all of the spots from the previous relationships.

anna martin

Me too. I can not go to Bushwick.

john magaro

Properly, if I stroll on 58th avenue —

anna martin

That’s yours?

john magaro

That’s the place my ex and I principally lived collectively. And there’s like, it’s above a pizza store. But it surely’s identical to all these recollections come flooding again. And it’s like, that concept that you just spent a lot, all this expertise, all this stuff collectively, after which, now it’s only a ghost.

anna martin

Poof.

john magaro

It’s a ghost.

anna martin

I imply, one of many issues that I get from this essay is how essential it’s to Sarah to have a companion who, even when they’re not like as obsessive about meals as she is, they’re at the least prepared to get into it together with her and perceive why it makes her joyful.

She writes that Andrew tries all these meals that he’s frightened of as a result of she’s sitting throughout the desk from him. What do you see Andrew doing right here?

john magaro

Properly, he’s making an attempt these dishes that he may not like. I feel that’s — you realize, I feel that’s nice recommendation for a relationship. If the individual — if this individual will not be even prepared —

anna martin

Proper.

john magaro

To step barely out of their consolation zone, how will you forge a profitable relationship? I imply, that is among the core rules of a robust relationship —

anna martin

Yeah.

john magaro

Is that sacrifice, is that willingness, is that love, that want to grasp this different individual and being prepared to step out of your consolation zone. I discover it very unusual when {couples} — you see a pair who’s been collectively for 30 years, married, has youngsters, and also you speak to them they usually hate every thing. Like they don’t have any widespread curiosity collectively.

And it’s simply odd to me. And I feel perhaps that was extra widespread amongst perhaps our dad and mom or our grandparents generations as a result of that was simply the way it went. You understand, it felt just like the husband and spouse had been nearly residing separate lives. You understand?

anna martin

I like what you’re saying, that it’s — and that’s actually the center of my query is like, sure, he’s making an attempt these meals, however what actually is he doing. And what you’re saying is, he’s displaying to her, I can step outdoors of my consolation zone and step outdoors of myself and attempt to meet you the place you’re, which I feel is essential.

john magaro

I feel it’s displaying care. It’s displaying love. It’s displaying curiosity in what your companion is into and in addition sacrifice. And people are, you realize, these are essential.

anna martin

There’s this different man that Sarah mentions who — the one who hates the seafood with the Philadelphia rolls. You rolled your eyes. I really feel that. And she or he has an analogous visceral response to his reverse approach of eating than Andrew. What do you suppose this man is doing fallacious? It’s not simply that he gained’t attempt the fish, proper?

john magaro

He simply appears to me just like the worst — I’m simply going to finish it. The worst. No, like probably the most stereotypical man, that previous mind-set of, I eat what I eat and I like what I like. And I’m not going to — if you happen to don’t prefer it, you will get out of my approach.

You understand, prefer it’s simply I hate that form of masculinity. Like, I actually hate it. I additionally hate being at dinners with folks like this. That is so snobby and imply. And — however sorry, I’m not the — I’m good, however I’m not the nicest individual. I actually — like I’ve to — I’m form of choosy who I’m going to dinner with.

anna martin

Yeah. Yeah.

john magaro

Like I can’t go to dinner with folks like this, who gained’t attempt, they usually’re identical to, no.

anna martin

You understand, the flip aspect of that’s I really feel like some folks would hear this essay they usually’d say, like, this man is simply placing his true self on the market, his true self on the market. He simply doesn’t like seafood, and perhaps Sarah ought to have tried to grasp him extra. What would you say?

john magaro

However that’s infantile. Like making an attempt issues — like that’s — with my four-year-old daughter, you attempt issues, we are saying thrice, after which if you happen to don’t prefer it, then you’ll be able to go. However like, dude, at the least attempt it.

anna martin

Identical to my child.

john magaro

I imply, are you a toddler? And that — I feel that’s what it’s. It’s like he appears to be himself as an alternative of outwardly.

anna martin

Yeah.

john magaro

That’s form of unhappy.

anna martin

You understand, we’re utilizing meals as kind of a stand in for lots of issues, proper. We’re utilizing meals as a stand in for intimacy, for connection. I suppose I’m wondering, like whenever you learn by means of this essay, the place she’s describing these meals in such nice element and making these choices about her companions based mostly on their relationship to meals, do you suppose Sarah is placing an excessive amount of emphasis on meals? Like, is there ever a degree the place it’s like, let it go?

john magaro

No, I don’t suppose so.

anna martin

Yeah.

john magaro

However I’m in her camp, so, you realize, this occurs to be her dealbreaker or no matter or her approach she connects with companions. And for me, I establish with that as a result of I really feel the identical approach. However everybody has a model of this, you realize.

I feel politics is a type of issues, some perhaps faith for sure folks or philosophies or ethics, like sure issues might be deal breakers and meals may very well be. However meals is so — I imply, that’s probably the most, much more than politics, much more than faith. Like meals is that’s caveman shit, like going and sitting there subsequent to the regardless of the carcass or the choosing berries or no matter. That’s what you probably did. That’s sharing.

anna martin

I really like that.

john magaro

Society. That’s society.

anna martin

No, I really like what you’re saying. We regularly speak concerning the kind of pink flags as, yeah, politics or no matter, like how clear somebody’s home is. I don’t know. However one other —

john magaro

I’m even prepared to — cleanliness, I’ll even sacrifice like that —

anna martin

For meals. For meals. Yeah, for style.

john magaro

Yeah.

anna martin

It makes loads of sense. I feel it may be a — I imply, actually not for Sarah, however for some folks, it may be a extra secondary kind of marker of compatibility. However I like what you’re saying. It’s actually central.

You understand, it strikes me that I see some parallels between Andrew and your character in “Previous Lives.”

john magaro

Positive.

anna martin

You play a person named Arthur, whose spouse Nora, is performed by Greta Lee. Nora is a Korean immigrant, and there’s a lot that Arthur can’t perceive about Nora’s expertise. However the stunning factor is, he tries to.

He takes Korean classes. He encourages Nora to satisfy up together with her childhood crush named Hae Sung. And by the best way, that kindness and belief on Arthur’s half moved me a lot as a result of it simply reveals that he desires her to be joyful.

john magaro

Yeah. I imply, I feel realistically it made sense to me. Folks typically are like, properly, he’s such a greater man, or I may by no means do this. No man would react that approach. However I feel what persons are perhaps kind of confused or blinded by is that Arthur and Nora have been married for a number of years at this level. Hae Sung is coming over for a weekend.

anna martin

Proper.

john magaro

And he’s leaving. There’s a time — there’s a clock on it. They usually’re safe of their relationships. I don’t suppose there’s a actual real concern that in 24 hours, every thing that they’ve constructed goes to break down as a result of somebody from her previous comes and visits.

I do know for me personally, I’ve had folks from my previous who I used to have emotions for come and go to. And it doesn’t, you realize — you’re feeling these bubblings of feelings and emotions. However I wouldn’t run off from my spouse as a result of, I imply, it’s simply — anyway, I feel Arthur does what I anticipate nearly any man would do.

anna martin

Huh?

john magaro

And that’s that love, that’s wanting to grasp your spouse higher. And I feel one of many stunning issues about “Previous Lives” is that by the tip, he does perceive his spouse extra. And I feel even she understands him extra. And the connection is simply stronger for that.

anna martin

However I imply, the entire film actually hinges on that, whether or not or not Hae Sung’s go to will awaken one thing in Nora. And she or he’ll determine to simply depart Arthur for him. After which on the finish of the film, spoiler sorry, finish this podcast now if you happen to haven’t seen it but — Hae Sung goes again to Korea. And the ultimate scene is that this extremely poignant second between Arthur and Nora.

They hug and she or he simply cries into his arms. It appeared to me like there was some form of new understanding between them in that second. What do you suppose that understanding was?

john magaro

I don’t suppose he has ever understood that she actually seems like she’s left one thing behind, that what she has — I don’t suppose — I imply, OK. My spouse is Korean-American. She wasn’t born in Korea, however she’s nonetheless very shut.

Her of us, they emigrated to the states. And I sense from her that there are items of her that form of immigrant expertise. For me, that was, you realize, over 100 years in the past. That’s my nice grandparents.

anna martin

Proper.

john magaro

I’m pink, white and blue, you realize, like I’m American. Like I don’t — it’s so alien to me.

anna martin

Yeah. Yeah.

john magaro

Whereas it’s nonetheless so recent for her. So for Nora, as a result of she is such a, you realize, sturdy, skilled, pushed girl who doesn’t cry in entrance of her husband, I don’t suppose she’s actually ever cried, perhaps at their wedding ceremony. However I don’t suppose she’s ever cried in entrance of Arthur.

In that second, she cries in his arms. And I feel for Arthur, he understands that this little woman was form of given all these wounds of trauma that she had no management over as a result of she was thrown into this world that she had no — you realize, she was dragged to Canada.

anna martin

Yeah.

john magaro

And she or he needed to depart this a part of her behind.

anna martin

That embrace, there’s a lot — I’m so joyful to be within the studio with you telling me what your character was feeling in that second as a result of, you realize, as audiences, we’re watching them embrace. And there’s a lot that’s being stated with out phrases. And I’m joyful that you just introduced up your spouse, too. You’ve spoken up to now about how this position was fairly near your individual expertise. I suppose I’m wondering, you realize, you simply form of outlined the ways in which Arthur tries to grasp and does obtain extra understanding of Nora. Are there ways in which you’d be prepared to share that you just’ve tried to grasp or transfer nearer to understanding your spouse’s expertise?

john magaro

You understand, it’s nearly more durable whenever you’re in it.

anna martin

Huh?

john magaro

I feel. I may in all probability solely level to very superficial issues that, you realize, like I discovered the Korean alphabet.

anna martin

I don’t suppose that’s superficial.

john magaro

Yeah, nevertheless it feels — however, you realize, that’s what Arthur is doing. And he’s making an attempt to be taught Korean. I’ve discovered Korean cooking.

anna martin

Wait, that’s big. Actually?

john magaro

Like from her mother. Her mother’s a terrific prepare dinner. She’s a implausible prepare dinner. So my eomeoni, she is taught me recipes. And so I’ve tried to prepare dinner Korean meals. And I, perhaps for me, my love of meals, having the ability to share that with my spouse and feed her, perhaps makes me really feel like I’m providing her a chunk of her childhood or her expertise.

anna martin

Sure.

john magaro

Our daughter’s identify is So-yeon. We gave her a Korean identify. Like, I don’t need my spouse or my youngster to have to cover or lose, as a result of clearly, you’re going to lose it. You’re shedding it right here in America.

And I’m sure our daughter, until she goes to high school, like some kind of Korean specialty language faculty, won’t in all probability converse Korean as a result of that’s simply the way it goes. When you’re right here, you lose. I don’t converse Italian. I don’t converse Yiddish.

However I would like, as a result of I understand how essential it’s for my spouse, how a lot she loves her Korean heritage, and the way a lot her dad and mom’ like it. I need to attempt to let it grasp on so long as it may.

anna martin

John, whenever you stated it was superficial, you then’re happening this complete factor about the way you’re making her dishes to hook up with her internal youngster. I imply, that doesn’t really feel —

john magaro

Oy vey.

anna martin

I imply, I — and I don’t know if, you realize —

john magaro

As I say, aigoo.

anna martin

What’s that — what does that imply?

john magaro

Koreans say aigoo which is principally like oy vey. And it’s like they’re oy vey.

anna martin

Aigoo.

I simply, you realize, and simply to say, like my mother is Chinese language. My dad is sort of a Catholic boy from Pittsburgh. And when he was wooing my mother, he too tried to be taught Chinese language. However he, you realize —

john magaro

That’s a tough one.

anna martin

Which is absolutely laborious.

john magaro

It’s a lot more durable than Korean.

anna martin

There may be an alphabet in Korean, I’ll say.

john magaro

Chinese language.

anna martin

All I’m saying is like, it’s very significant listening to you. I imply, my dad’s tried in loads of methods to grasp my mother, however he does discuss the truth that he simply by no means — he’ll by no means know what it’s like for her. However I actually am as like a combined child, which it seems like your child is rising up additionally combined.

It could imply rather a lot. It means rather a lot. I’m positive it means rather a lot to, like, eat a dish, a Korean dish made by your dad. I’m positive that, not simply in your spouse however in your child, that may imply a ton. OK. My ultimate query to you. You talked about that you just make Korean dishes, that your spouse’s mother taught you make them. What’s your specialty?

john magaro

So a very primary Korean dish is kimchi jjigae, which like kimchi stew. And it’s form of the primary — once more, we’re going again to stews.

anna martin

I do know.

john magaro

But it surely’s form of one of many first and best to make. However I’ve actually, at the least my spouse and my mother-in-law have stated, it’s gotten excellent.

anna martin

What’s the subsequent one you’re making an attempt to deal with, Subsequent Korean dish

john magaro

I need to do jajangmyeon.

anna martin

What’s that?

john magaro

So jajangmyeon is like — it’s like a black bean — it’s truly, it’s impressed by Chinese language.

anna martin

Yeah, we do loads of black beans. We —

john magaro

So what they name it’s, you know the way like Chinese language meals in America is Americanized? So Chinese language meals in Korea can also be Koreanized, if that’s a phrase.

anna martin

That sounds so good.

john magaro

In order that they have dishes which might be impressed by Chinese language meals, however they’ve kind of made their very own Korean model. So principally, jajangmyeon. Is black bean noodles, in a approach. However the best way you make the sauce is absolutely — there’s truly a documentary proper now on Netflix nearly jajangmyeon.

anna martin

Are you severe?

john magaro

Yeah. Test it out.

anna martin

So it’s best to — OK, can I pitch you your evening tonight? Make that.

john magaro

That takes a protracted —

anna martin

And watch a documentary.

john magaro

That takes a very long time to make. If you happen to’re going to make — you may make an prompt model. However if you happen to’re going to do it the actual approach, that’s like — that’s like a day.

anna martin

OK, so plan it, however do this quickly.

john magaro

I’ll do this. I’ll do this. Yeah.

anna martin

John, thanks a lot for this dialog. A lot enjoyable. Actually.

john magaro

Yeah. Thanks for having me.

anna martin

Thanks.

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“Trendy Love” is produced by Julia Botero, Cristina Josa, Reva Goldberg, Davis Land and Emily Lange. It’s edited by our government producer Jen Poyant, Reva Goldberg and Davis Land. The Trendy Love theme music is by Dan Powell. Authentic music by Marion Lozano, Diane Wong, Rowan Niemisto, and Pat McCusker.

This episode was combined by Daniel Ramirez. Our present is recorded by Maddy Masiello. Digital manufacturing by Mahima Chablani and Nell Gallogly. The Trendy Love column is edited by Daniel Jones. Miya Lee is the editor of “Trendy Love” tasks. I’m Anna Martin. Thanks for listening.

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